Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
