she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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