Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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