afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
