Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
