You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
