I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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