3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
