God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
