the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
