So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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