I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
home. puking in laundry basket.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
