goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
