I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
