$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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