guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
