He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
