You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
