If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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