WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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