I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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