So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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