I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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