Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm jealous of your bromance
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
