I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I haven't been this sober since birth.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
