Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
