We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
