This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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