I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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