I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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