This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
