I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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