after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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