I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
