you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
