I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
