I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
