OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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