whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
