i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
