Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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