i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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