Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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