Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
