I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
