whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
