I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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