Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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