Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
