i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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