If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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