Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
