He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
