ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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